Since founding our consultancy, Audience Development Group programming colleagues have flown well over two million miles! Fortunately none of those miles have been logged on South Africa’s Kulula Airlines. Traditionally staffed with capable flight crews charming their passengers with droll British wit, the troubled airline recently ceased operation. Yet almost anyone who flew Kulula recalls their Flight Attendants’ bold sense of humor!
Most among us would agree; flying in 2022 clearly flying isn’t as entertaining as it once was. So, for smile or two, some memorable Kulula Air PA announcements that linger…
The airline offered no assigned seating: on one flight passengers were taking far too much time deciding on their seating choice when a flight attendant announced, “People, people, we’re not buying furniture here, find a seat and sit in it!”
On emergency exiting: “Ladies and Gentlemen, there may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only four ways out of this airplane, so listen-up!”
On another flight: an attendant announced,“We’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights…this for your comfort, and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”
A loss of pressure: “In the sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.”
Weather at destination: “Its 50 degrees with some broken clouds…but we’ll try to have them repaired before we arrive. Thank you and remember nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines.”
Pilot’s welcome: “Kulula Airlines is proud to announce we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry…unfortunately, none of them are on this flight.”
On a particularly turbulent flight with the crew fighting it all the way, including a very hard landing: “Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to Cape Town. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened until the Captain taxis what’s left of our airplane to the gate.”
No smoking: “Ladies and Gentlemen…if you wish to smoke the smoking section is on the wing; if you can light ‘em, you can smoke ‘em.”
And, one day after an especially rough landing in Johannesburg a cane-toting little old lady approached and looking up at the copilot asked, “Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?” “Not at all, Ma’am!” the first officer crisply answered. The little old lady rejoined, “Did we land…or were we shot down?”
