ADG colleagues have flown somewhere around the 250,000 mile mark in 2014. Regrettably none of the miles have been on South Africa’s Kulula Airlines, manned with capable crews replete with droll British wit. As you contemplate flying over the holidays, we thought we’d share actual flight announcements on board Kulula.
Seating: (there is no assigned seating). Passengers were taking too much time deciding on their seats when a flight attendant announced, “People, people, we’re not buying furniture here, find a seat and sit in it.”
On exiting: a flight attendant announced “Ladies and gentlemen, there may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only four ways out of this airplane.”
On another flight: the attendant announced, “We’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights…this for your comfort, and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”
Loss of pressure: “In the sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.”
Weather at destination: “It’s 50 degrees with some broken clouds…we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you and remember nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines.”
Pilot’s welcome: “Kulula Airlines is proud to announce we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry…unfortunately, none of them are on this flight.”
On a particularly turbulent flight with the pilots fighting it all the way, including a hard landing: “Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to Cape Town. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened until the Captain taxis what’s left of our airplane to the gate.”
No smoking: “Ladies and Gentlemen…if you wish to smoke the smoking section is on the wing; if you can light ’em, you can smoke ’em.”
The last passenger: the airline has a policy whereby the first officer stands by the exit to smile and thank the passengers, but on a flight that ended in hammering the plane to the runway for a particularly hard landing, the first officer later told his colleagues he was dreading that tradition since he expected passengers to comment on the slam-down landing. But almost everyone had exited without a snarky comment on the landing.
Finally, a little old lady with a cane approached and looking up at him asked, “Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?” “No Ma’am,” the first officer crisply answered. The little old lady rejoined, “Did we land, or were we shot down?”
Have a safe and fulfilling holiday from all of us at Audience Development Group!
Sincerely,
Tim Moore
Tim Moore
Managing Partner
Audience Development Group
